One hot chick |
- Stay
hydrated!
A Hydra is a
water serpent with many heads, each of which, if cut off, grows. So remember, if one voice is chopped off, two
more can take her place. Hercules (so
like a man) killed a Hydra by cauterizing the necks as he cut off the heads, burning
the witches (how unoriginal), but the genus Hydra maintains and populates, presenting
vocal opportunity and many-sided problems for the old boys.
To maintain
hydration, drink plenty of non-caffeinated beverages, and say juicy words like
fennel and ferment to keep vocal chords lubricated. If you clear your throat
often you may be dehydrated, un-watered, cauterized, or overfull and not
knowing where to begin. Toast a Hydra, start from the center, and speak.
Caution: Do not
drink while speaking, as during deep delving diving, this can lead to drowning
-- fear-, exclusion-, and/or love-based. See Kate Chopin’s The Awakening. Repetitive clearing may also lead to a sore
throat, as stuck words fester and clog like Samson’s hair in the shower drain. Drink water, and then speak.
- Avoid
Drinking the Wrong Liquids!
Try not to drink
acidic juices (apple-flavored greed, sour grapes, patriarchal orange, etc.), milk
(excepting mother’s or wet nurse) or other dairy products before giving tours.
These liquids coat the vocal chords and muffle sound, which may cause breaks in
speech or from reality and the feeling of needing to clear your throat but,
again, being unable to speak.
If you do consume
these items, try drinking water from female fountains to thin the stickiness of
mucus. Some anecdotal evidence also suggests
that gargling with semen may provide occasional symptomatic relief, as physical contact may reduce the explanatory vocal requirements of the tour, but
this remains a personal choice for each guide.
- Use
good vocal production!
Enunciate words
at the front of your mouth and speak in a comfortable range, neither too high
or too low. Don’t whisper. Whispering stresses your vocal chords and
life experience because you have no support. Mumbling is only advisable when plotting an overthrow.
On average,
people use a lower speaking range than is healthiest for them, and thereby
fail to ascend to more satisfying, frustrating and complicated realms. If the area above your vocal box (larynx)
feels like you’ve been pressing down on it at the end of the day, you are
probably talking too long about too little. Try loosening up your need for societal approval, and speaking in your
natural range.
- Use
your diaphragm for good projection!
The diaphragm is
also a thin muscle that runs horizontally underneath our lungs which we can
control for good breath support. Somehow
as we grow up our innate sense of breathing and diaphragmatic support gets fouled
up when we find ourselves in situations where we need to project who we really
are. Yelling and straining are bad for
the long term health of our vocal chords, resulting in labeling of angry bitch
and hysterical feminist. Enunciate with
passion and clarity, and remember to breathe from your belly, the center from
which you began, embryonic.
Remember, squashed language is harmful to
the environment.
Please discard antiquated language in the
dictionaries provided.
No comments:
Post a Comment